Florida: Don't know much about history

It's not enough to water down science curricula by banning Darwin. Nope, Florida's legislators are making sure that book learnin' teaches the real version of U.S. history, the one that's a long story of progress and triumph. And, oh yeah, all those inconvenient truths about genocide of indigenous peoples and slavery.

Sez the lege: "American history shall be viewed as factual, not as constructed, shall be viewed as knowable, teachable, and testable, and shall be defined as the creation of a new nation based largely on the universal principles stated in the Declaration of Independence."

That's right, it's objective. And we adhere to those principles in the Declaration of Independence, even though we didn't enshrine them all in the constitution, like that whole part about "all men being created equal."

Most importantly, they finally implemented a requirement to teach "the nature and importance of free enterprise to the United States economy." Hooray capitalism!